Dear One
This crippled heart of mine
Is just this side of desperate
To find a way to prove
That I am here to serve
What it is.
2013 © Amanda Morris Johnson
how can they say they love me?
they do not understand me at all.
seething with anger and wrath
i hear the words but i feel nothing
but pain, pain, pain
of the past deeds, the disregard
for my sanity and so the words
trying so hard to float there
with a smile turn out to be very
heavy, falling through the dark
that is me, that is me
with sentimental hooks hanging
from my heart i don’t know how
to respond to all of it and standing
as if frozen to the spot, cannot move
towards the fakery, towards the lie
i feel raw, sanded down to the nub
of whatever i once was, and I am alone
in that.
2013 © Amanda Morris Johnson
Without a journey deep down the rocky trail,
Into a cave that has no glow, no opening left
In sight, we are lamed by our senses and
Cannot know what shadows truly are here
In this ever lit world we live upon so carelessly.
So shamed by sights that make perfect sense
We see darkness in the colors of light!
Naming them in sinister sounds, that black
Sacred skin. Frightened by night of storm and
Fights with perceptions that aren’t upright
All along, between the molecules that matter
So much to us, is hidden most of the Universe,
Some might even say God, if we weren’t avoiding
The waves of feeling that are not feelings by
Skin but by heart, and not a pulse, but something
More like the passing hunches with transformative
Power…within the brightest light we know, the sun,
Therein lies the darkness. Close your eyes and see!
It is the horror of accepting all that is unfair.
That unfair can be seen not by neon grin
Instead in this mundane balance of what we guess -
For every joyful song, painful blues, and that is all.
It is simple to me that there is nothing to achieve
Here besides becoming content with what is and
That I love it all enough to stop judging.
2013 © Amanda Morris Johnson
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